12 Jun 2010, 8:31am
Homo sapiens Jackalopes Wolves
by admin

Effete New Yorkers Contemplate Wolves

Larf Of The Day:

Way out East in Canton, New York, the public radio liberals are contemplating wolves. Should they or shouldn’t they welcome wolves into their neighborhoods?

On one hand, wolves are cuddly and never harm good humans. On the other hand, they already have coyotes, so the “top tier” predator job is already filled (as good union folks the libs believe in the seniority system).

See for yourself:

“Northeastern wolf” back in the news

by Jonathan Brown, North County Public Radio, June 10th, 2010 [here]

The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service announced yesterday it would not develop a plan to protect wolves in northern New York and New England.

From the Associated Press wire:

“Wildlife Service officials say the decision was made because there is no distinct breeding population of wolves in the region that could be protected.”

This needs a little deconstruction:

Some animals–according to their DNA–are wolves. Gray wolves, for instance live in the North American West (though they are moving slowly eastward–there are anecdotal reports of gray wolves as far east as Minnesota).

Coyotes are not wolves. Their DNA is different. But here in northern New York, this crisp distinction between the two species blurs.

Some biologists say coyotes here bred with wolves from northern Ontario and Quebec (read all about it here). This, they say, explains why coyotes in northern New York are much bigger than coyotes out west. It may also explain why coyotes here have been reported exhibiting the kinds of pack behavior more like that of wolves than other coyotes elsewhere.

These biologists also say that, because of this coyote-wolf breeding, there’s no good reason to re-introduce wolves in the area. There is also some evidence that our coyotes are already filling wolves’ traditional role as a top-tier predator.

Those biologists! You have to trust somebody if it says -ologist after their name. After all, -ologist means scientist and scientists are sacred. Once a scientist has blessed a proposition, it’s inviolate truth.

Unless, of course, it’s actually science-plated garbage. That’s when it looks like science from the outside, but please don’t scratch the surface. (I stole that line — not sure from who — it was just sitting there so I took it).

More from the libs in NY:

Personally, I’d love to see (or, more likely, hear) wolves in northern New York. Other top tier predators scare the stuffing out of me. Wolves do not. I have avoided being “et” by a bear twice, thankyouverymuch, and I know I’m no match for a mountain lion.

But wolves seem much more akin to humans, more understandable maybe. Wolves live in a family structure similar to humans.

There’s daddy wolf and mommy wolf and all the little wolves. Daddy wolf goes to work every day while mommy wolf stays home with kids, watching Oprah most likely. They’re just like us!!!!

That kind of mental drool goes on and on. The article is hysterical. Maybe it depends on your sense of humor — I could see where some readers would consider it to be merely pathetic and sad.

But the general concept is interesting. If it’s good for Westerners to have the Federal Government dump wolves in our midst, then it must be good for Easterners, too. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander. We’re all Americans. Fair is fair.

We had coyotes, bears, and cougars before the wolves were dumped on us. That excuse doesn’t cut the mustard. Please don’t play the habitat card, or the rabies card, or the game herd card, or the livestock card. Those cards have been thrown out by the Federal courts. Just because wolves will stalk your children at bus stops and playgrounds, that’s no excuse not to have Federally protected wolves in your midst.

The USFWS should dump hundreds of wolves smack dab in the middle of New York City, along with Federal marshals to arrest anyone who harasses them. Wolves should lope through Central Park and Times Square. It’s a cheap way to solve the homeless problem — the balance of nature!

The libs say:

I think we need more information — more scientific research — before restoring wolves here.

Why? What good will that do? And more to the point, why didn’t you demand the same for your fellow citizens out West? We have thousands of wolves now, thanks to the Feds. Are you saying the science is incomplete and inconclusive and so the Feds jumped the gun?

And so on. If you want a good laugh, go ahead and visit the link above. You can leave a comment there, too. But please be gentle. They are morons of the first stripe, and nothing you can say will fix that. We must suffer the fools. It is our burden and obligation as compassionate human beings. We can laugh at them, though.

Note: special thanks to the Yellow Pine Times for unearthing this gem.



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