The Hairy Reed - Satire
By Julie Kay Smithson. Property Rights Research [here]
The Nevada Department of Wildlife (NDOW) has received a petition to list the hairy reed as an artificial species under the Artificial Species Act of 2008 (ASA).
The petition was submitted by a representative of the Lake Las Vegas Deepwater Marina Authority and stated, in part, that the hairy reed is often “in over its head” when dealing with environmental issues. Baking in the Clark County summer sun is a possible habitat behavior that may be contraindicated by the species’ single recognizable specimen and its tendency to inhabit a seemingly contradictory habitat: The District of Columbia.
The hairy reed may be recognized by its propensity to sway in the wind, but also has certain characteristics reminiscent of predatory plants like the Venus flytrap, opening for fresh meat and then slamming shut. Such activity usually goes on behind closed doors, so is, at best, only suspect behavior.
Sightings of this species include press conferences, photo-ops, and political events, the latter being the most probable place to successfully spot the hairy reed, especially during election years.
Whether NDOW will seriously consider listing the hairy reed as an artificial species remains a mystery. The ASA mandates that a bovine excreta study (BES) be done to determine whether the hairy reed should be listed. Several universities have, however, applied for grant funding to monitor and track the hairy reed.
LOL, Mike! The “N. pelosi” is a carnivorous, visceral species that, if left to its own devices, decimates everything in its path!
Often found associated with western wilted violet (N. pelosi). Cultivation tip: mulch with cash, large denominations preferred.